For Good or Ill
by Rawtooth
Summary: What becomes of a person when the sole thing that defines the person, and what they think is their only worth to anyone at all, is torn away… AU, set after Season 1. ( Currently on hold, pending revision or removal. )
1. Chapter 1 : Ill Omen

_Set after Season 1, but before Season 2, it may contain events, people, or thoughts from Season 2.  This is my story about a seriously big What If and isn't meant as disrespect against the Season 2 storyline arc...  So without further ado, I present my story…_****

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Teen Titans.

**Chapter 1: Ill Omens**

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            Raven was frustrated.  Not at herself, but at one team mate.  Robin, a scrawny punk who acted like the Titan's leader.  _Well him **and his irritating lack of self control.  Robin, furious over his brief stint as Slade's apprentice, decided to push the Titan's to search, and stop him once and for all.  This had lead to a tip that this warehouse, in the slowly developing water front district, had some clues.  Which turned out to be full of clues.  Like the fact that Slade had lovingly and carefully set up an ambush for the Titans.  Like the fact that Slade had built a mechanical marauder that was slowly grinding the Titans to a pulp.**_

            "Raven, we could use a little help over **here!!!**"

  Dodging another poorly done attack from one of Slade's numerous, but increasingly pathetic, minions Raven decided she had enough exercise today.  Breathing deeply, her sense's slowly stilling themselves, filtering out more and more information.  Drawing on the order imposed upon chaos, the black and the white, Raven spoke her trademark words.

            "Azarath Metrion Zynthos!!"

And the shattered remains of Slade's minions, Robin's discarded metal quarterstaff, and a few miscellaneous barrels rose several feet off the ground.  Herself, floating a few inches from the stained concrete floor, Raven allowed herself a rare smile before willing the floating mass of debris at the giant robotic construct that was mashing her friends.  She just could imagine the shrieking metal, the oil and hydraulic fluids slowly seeping out of a crushed ball of metal the size of Cyborg's head.  That's when she heard real shrieks of metal and all went dark…

_A few moments earlier…_

            Cyborg was impressed.  Not in the drool all over his car and worship it impressed, but in awe of something grand, revolutionary, and unholy.  What Slade had constructed was a machine amongst little wind up toys.  It had a gracelessness that was compensated by the sheer presence of it.  The armor plated meter long tail, which with the two tree trunk like legs, acted as a tripod for the laser cannon.  The laser cannon that could blow apart the T-Car to pieces with a gentle love tap like shot, which replaced the head with its sleek barrel.  It was a testament to Slade's genius; _it also had brought down BB without a second thought_.  Cyborg glanced over to see if the shape-shifter was safe; which he was, despite being covered with an electro-net and being shot with half a dozen tranquilizers.  Cyborg decided that it probably be a better idea to admire something this dangerous when it's dead.

**Power Cells at 63% and dropping, Operational Efficiency maintainable for approximately 1 minute and 43 seconds.  Visual Sensors indicate stress point in structure of Target, Processing… Processing…**

            Cyborg ignored the read out of data scrolling past his eye lens.  Letting loose another energy blast, he knew that unless Raven stopped messing around they'd be finished.  Starfire and himself were barely holding it off, and despite the numerous attacks they were pouring into construct, it was slowly gaining ground on them.  And that's when he noticed the giant barrel, already starting to whirl, slowly tracking his moments.  Diving to the right, he felt the circuits in his feet start melting.  Coming into a roll he started charging up another blast.  What he didn't notice, seeing as he was focused on not becoming scrap metal, and what Starfire was too busy flying around, dodging rounds from the two shoulder mounted thermal blasters, and even Robin himself, seeing as he was preoccupied on his deadly game of cat and mouse with Slade in the rafter's of the cheap building, was the slowly telescoping barrel coming out of the construct's chest.  

Only Beast Boy saw it, and he tried shouting out a warning, tried anything and everything to snap out of doziness.  But all he felt was being heavy, and sleepy, not his mouth shouting out a warning to his best buds about the incoming danger.  His eyes saw the barrel recoil slightly, and that was it.  No flash, no bullets, just it beginning to retract back into the chest.  His eye's fluttered once, and Beast Boy couldn't hold off the drugs pumping through his veins, so he surrendered himself to oblivion.

_Now…_

            "Yanno Raven, it'd be **nice if you jumped in any second now!!!"**  Then Cyborg glanced back and saw the truth.  There wouldn't be any help, and Starfire and him were going to die.  He saw the tiny tattered scrap of cloak protruding from underneath the pile of scrap metal.  Then he saw her slowly stand up, shaking off arm's, leg's and head's from her cloak, and immediately stumble, falling back onto the pile of debris.  That's when breathing started becoming a little hard, and he looked back to see an arm gripped around his waist.  The arm that lead to Slade's machine, whose gun barrel head was slowly rotating around, bringing it in line with his head.  Cyborg's blood and oil both ran cold at the realization, yet he stilled blasted away the arm's wrist.

            _Come on break, snap, just freaking fall apart you Frankenstein of a machine!!!  Still firing his arm cannon into the slowly deteriorating wrist, Cyborg turned his head when he saw movement in his peripheral Visual Sensor grid.  He saw the gun barrel staring right at him, saw the charge slowly building up, and knew that this was the end of his existence.  Until Robin's metal quarterstaff sailed smoothly past his head, up the barrel, and lodged itself there.  Feeling the claw hand loosen from his waist, Cyborg wriggled out of it and started running for the exit, the whining sound of an overcharged laser cannon following him._

            Robin was determined not to let Slade get away **again**.  It was going to end here, and now.  Rushing after Slade's fading figure, Robin was a little too focused on ripping Slade's head off and not focusing on dodging the bolas, which entangled Robin's legs just enough so he started the graceful fall to the floor.  Which was 10 meters below…

            "Raven, grab Robin and let's **go!**  Starfire, help with me BB here!" Shouting out instructions barely audible over the rising whine of an overloading generator, Cyborg dashed towards Beast Boy's saurian body.  Seeing Raven make no move to save the plummeting Robin, Cyborg turned his head to yell for Starfire to catch him.  Unfortunately all he did manage to sputter off was unheard, as Starfire, focused on reaching the green T. Rex laying on the floor, had a mid air collision with Robin.  Crashing to the floor together, picking themselves up, and running for the door in a hurt stumble, Cyborg turned to berate Raven.  Then he saw an amazing, if rather stupid, thing.  

Raven, with cuts and bruises all along her, was trying to drag a full grown Tyrannosaurs Rex.  At that moment Cyborg felt like giving her a piece of his mind.  _She freaking let's Robin drop without even trying to save him, and now she's lost her mind and is trying to **drag** BB by his **tail**.  She's trying to kill us all.  Noteven bothering to question her sanity, Cyborg started helping her drag the prostate Beast Boy, and they slowly managed to clear the soon to explode warehouse…_

            The Teen Titans walked slowly back home, all suffering from some sort of injury.  Robin and Starfire limped together at the head of the column, Robin's injuries consisting of numerous broken toes, fingers, pulled muscles, and long thin bruises while Starfire had 2nd degree burns covering every inch of exposed skin.   Next in line, Cyborg, with scorch marks all over his formerly shining metal portions and a gigantic bruise around his waist, helped the staggering, still slightly tranquilized Beast Boy.  The last person in the line walked along silently, easily keeping a large distance between her and her team mates, looking like a broken bird for the whole world to see.  The sole person without someone depending on her, Raven came away with only small cuts and bruises.  Considering her uninjured condition she had mentioned that she was the best person to help the others along.  Then Cyborg snapped at her…

_            "What the hell is wrong with you Raven!!!?  You nearly get Robin and Starfire killed, and then what do you do??  You** try **and **drag something that you can barely ****budge!!  I'm really starting to think you're not wanting to be on this team, or you lost your mind!"**_

_            She just stood there in shock, looking like a child who had forgotten how to talk.  Her mouth opened once like she had something on her mind, when it snapped back shut.  After mouthing the air silently for a few seconds, Raven finally managed a weak 'Let's just get everyone back to the Tower…'_

            And now everyone hated her.  _Oh sure she thought_ everyone hadn't said it, but I can still feel it_.  She had seen the accusing glances everyone had shown her, the anger in Cyborg's, and the hurt betrayal from Starfire's.  She shivered from the unusually chill spring wind, but it wasn't just the cold that was making her hand's shake.  Hidden underneath her billowing, voluminous cloak her two hands went through of little cycle of clenching each other, gently massaging each other, and balling into a fist to try and make the unintentional quivering leave.   __Why won't it stop?_

            At the Titan Tower there was a rush to run up the stairs, which resulted in everyone, sans Raven, crammed together in a mass.  Beast Boy was being smashed against the ceiling, while Cyborg was being choked by the crazed shape shifter.  Starfire and Robin were both stuck against the side walls from Cyborg's arm, and everyone was having a good time of smiling, laughing, pulling weird faces, and being stuck together in the Teen Titan's version of a mosh pit.  Unfortunately the stair railing wasn't having such a good time, so it broke, spilling the laughing Titan's onto the floor.  Raven just sighed, and kept on walking up the stairs, careful to avoid what looked like any trouble spots on the abused stairs.

"Guys, it'd be nice to not have various pieces of the Tower falling apart from you guys wrestling." intoned Raven in her nails on chalk board voice.  She turned to head back up the stairs when Starfire gave voice to her concern.

"Friend-Raven, are you cold?  Or your injuries bothering you?"  Raven frowned, her hand's rising up to brush her hood back.  She hated scrutiny and right now she was getting a lot of it.  The Titan's may all have looked different, but their faces were all filled with concern for their goth teammate.  _What is wrong with them, do they expect me to faint on cue?_

"Rae, you do like kinda bad, don't you think you should take a break or something?  Not that I don't think you-"  Raven silenced the blabbering Beast Boy with a glance of pure death.

"What's up with the quiz, I can handle it.  If I can't handle it I'll tell you guys, so _please_ get off my **back!" Raven suited words to action and started back up the stairs, ignoring the stares following her back.  She froze in place with her foot midair, halfway to the next stair, when Starfire mentioned what no one else had seen.**

"But then why are your hands shaking…?"  Raven immediately threw her hood back up, and wrapped her voluminous cloak about her.

"What do you mean Starfire, my ha-"

"Rave, your hands were shaking," intoned Cyborg, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, just nothing…  **Just leave me alone already!!"**  Raven screeched this out as she ran up the stairs, her billowing cloak and team mates stares following her as she dashed for the perceived safety of her room.

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**Author's Note:**  None yet, cause I don't have any reviews!!  If you want/can listen to Staind's **Pressure**, it fits Raven like a glove in this chapter.  Well it fits her period, so consider it her unofficial theme song for the entire fic.


	2. Of Washing Machines, Video Games, and Co...

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Teen Titans.

**Chapter 2: Of Washing Machines, Video Games, and Costumes**

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            _"Yo, Rae we… I need to talk to you.  Wanna go get a bite, or watch me eat tofu?  Just come on down whenever you feel like it…"  "No thanks Beast Boy, go ask Starfire if she wants something to do…"_

_            "Rave, I need another pair of hands to work on the T-Car.  You up for some work?"   "Sorry Cyborg, I'm busy right now but Beast Boy isn't, maybe he can help you…"_

_            "Hey, Raven, you up for a sparring match?  Or I can reset and activate the obstacle course for you…"  "I'm feeling a bit tired Robin, ask Cyborg if he's up for it…"_

_            "Friend Raven, do you wish to meditate together?  Maybe we could execute more braiding maneuvers on our hair?"  "Not right now Starfire, and my hair isn't having its finest moment right now anyways…"_

            The punching dummy was shaped like a man- that is, if you fed a man until he was so fat that his features half disappeared in folds of flesh, then mounted on a flexible rod in the Tower's gymnasium.  Robin shook his head; he certainly wouldn't want to be treated that way.  Nor would he want to suffer the damage he was inflicting on the dummy.  He started with a double feint with both hands then brought his right leg around in a round house kick that bent the dummy's arm at an unnatural angle.  Following through, Robin dealt a left hook, using the kick's momentum to add extra speed to the blow.  It connected with the dummy's face, crunching something inside there.

Unfortunately, just like his constant hunt for Slade, the dummy was already popping back into shape, unharmed and untouched.  He knew that Slade would recover from whatever damages the Titans inflicted, that they would likely be locked in this struggle for the rest of their lives.  And this filled him with hatred, anger, and frustration at Slade, just for the simple fact that it would likely consume the lives of his friends in their power struggle.  And his friends deserved better then that life style.

"Are you angry at the dummy?  Or is this an angry thought style, friend Robin?" asked Starfire quietly.  Robin glanced over at her.  She was wrapped in a bathrobe and her hair was fluffed and disorderly in some places, patchy with moisture in others, clear signs of a recent shower and inadequate drying.  Some people in this universe could tell a lie, and not think twice about it…  "Just about how we have to stop Slade, how we are likely to remain fighting him for the rest of our lives.  Yanno, stuff like that…"  Robin wasn't one of those people.

"Robin, you must let go of these feelings.  It crawl's inside you like a Bolr'Nok and lashes you with your failure, whisper's threats and ill advice that you take to your soul.  You think we can't see it, but everyone on the team worries about it.  All that admit to worry, that is."

"Call it my motivation Star, I need it to focus and beat Slade on-"  "You are proving my point right now Robin.  It's sits inside you for days, weeks.  Then it tries to eat its way back out, and the results have been disastrous every time.  When you went after Slade as Red X or when you tried to stop Cinderblock yourself where when it controlled your thoughts.  I **wish I could **vaporize **it."**

There was such bitterness in Starfire's sweet, melodious voice that Robin had to stop and wonder if she was right.  _Every time I lost, I sank lower and tried harder to beat Slade.  I thought I was playing by my own rules, but I really was playing the same way he was.  And if he hadn't gotten tired of waiting, in time I would have betrayed everything I stood for including the **team**.  He wouldn't have needed to force me to work for him; I would have gone to him on my knees, begging to be taught._

Starfire's voice brought him out of his thoughts.  "Robin, come.  Staying here, punishing yourself and a dummy is foolishness, and when your injuries haven't healed yet is even more foolish."  Robin saw the small trickle of blood leaking out of his bandaged left hand.

"Yanno Star, your right like you always are.  Maybe taking a break could be a smart thing to do."

"No friend Robin, you **must take a break.  And I shall show you how…"**

_This has to be the most ridiculous, stupid, and ill thought of thing I've ever seen, **despite** the fact that I live in the same building as Beast Boy._  Raven shuddered as she thought of the green skinned weirdo; he _had done some pretty idiotic things…  Sighing, Raven turned back to her new outfit.  Now, contrary to popular Teen Titan opinion, Raven **did** know that her regular outfit was rather revealing.  However tonight, she wanted to blend in with the **other side; so wearing only a spandex swimsuit and a cloak was out of the option.  So instead she had scrounged around the Tower for some older, ragged, and discarded clothes.  _Now that I think about it there probably was a reason they were discarded._  She had managed to find a pair of ratty old jeans, a leather belt to cinch the too wide jeans, a long sleeved crimson shirt, and a pair of purple knee high boots.  She had acquired the jeans in Cyborg's laundry, the belt from Beast Boy, the shirt she had looted from Robin's room, and the boots she had found outside Starfire's bedroom door.  The things she had added to the ensemble where her cloak and her spare charka.  Her cloak was to add some much needed familiarity to the otherwise foreign clothing.  It also held her Titan beacon in case she needed help.   That's when Raven made an unfortunate discovery; her old charka had been held in place with her magic.**_

_And now that's its gone, I can't so much as hold a small pendant in place._  She smiled bitterly, and then started hunting for a replacement to her magic …

            Three dodged popcorn bowls, two angry team mates, and one small silver chain later, Raven paused as she slid out of her room.  Normally she would have locked her door with her magi-...  Raven paused, then broke a rare grin as she heard soothing, yet oddly discordant sounds wash over her.  Tiptoeing quietly down a couple of floors, she peeked around a corner to look upon a familiar and welcome site.

Beast Boy and Cyborg were sitting in the living room of the Tower, waving controllers around in the air as they tried out gaming each other.  They also wore gaming headsets on both ears, despite being designed to be worn on only one ear.  She knew that they were settling in for an all night gaming fest, the half a dozen full popcorn bowls and half a dozen six packs of root beer and tofu cola giving evidence for that.  Still **no one** went into her room; then she broke into a wide 'Slap me!!!' smile, which was entirely against the grain of her character.  Cyborg and Beast Boy would be busy well after she had returned from her little jaunt, and she knew exactly where Starfire and Robin would be all night.  _Star better be careful with Robin; that split lip of his is going to hurt when they kiss.  I still don't know why I'm doing this; oh that's right, I'm trying to figure out if there's anything to me besides my magic.  Also seeing how the **other side lives will be interested.  Still with a smiling face, Raven slipped quietly and easily down the stairs and out the door into the cool breeze of night life…**_

"You aren't going to beat me!!" yelled Cyborg as his car weaved in and out of traffic, barely dodging several simulated opponents.

"Yes I am, and I'm going to do it with style!"  Beast Boy's green Viper pulled a smooth, screeching 180 turn on a dime.

"Ha, you may have passed me, but this time I've got you beat!"  Cyborg's convertible raced around the corner, taking it too fast and wide before slamming right into Beast Boy's accelerating sports car.  Fake flames sprouted from both cars before their respective drivers slammed on the gas, causing the death trap wrecks to hurtle down the highway.  And the two wacko's both grinned even bigger and harder, as they pulled into a tie.

"Yanno BB, I wonder where Rob is… he's usually down here egging one of us on, while Starfire sits there pulling googly eyes at him?"

"Yah, and Rae is usually reading her book, muttering about our stupid games, and we have to open our big, fat mouths and she proceeds to shove our foots down them."

"You mean she does that to you."

"No, she does that to both of us."

"Yah, whatever lil man, just keep on dreaming."

"Oh just shut up, I dreamt how to beat you and look what happened."  At this comment, Beast Boy stuck his tongue out at his fellow gamer.  Cyborg evidently found this a little personal, as he promptly dropped his controller in favor of putting the green shape changer into a headlock.  They wrestled around for a bit, tossing popcorn bowls around the room, before Cyborg abruptly pulled away laughing his guts out.

"Yo, Cy what's so funny?  You bust a circuit or something?"  Beast Boy stared on with open concern at his teammate, who finally stopped laughing then wiped away a tear of mirth.

"No, I just figured out that you have a crush on Raven.  You always mention her doing things, and you get this lo-"

"I do not like her!"

"Yes, you do"

"NO, I don't!"

"Yes, you do"

**"No, I don't!"**

"No you don't."

**"Yes, **I DO!"**  After this Beast Boy clamped his hands over his mouth, while Cyborg broke out in even louder laughter.**

            "Starfire, I still don't understand why we're in a **laundry room**…"

            "It is to relax Robin, now please sit on the drying machine or I shall take away your gadget-toys."

            "Yanno Star, you can be real tyrant once in a while."

            "Yes indeed friend Robin, now **sit!"**

            Sighing, Robin sat on the industrial strength dryer.  _Well at least my gear isn't going to be melted down into small statues depicting the rest of the team._  When Starfire sat right next to him and put her hand on his leg, Robin noticed several important things.  Like the fact that the already small room had grown even smaller, and that Starfire was an extremely attractive girl.  Like the fact that they had an incredible view of the harbor, Jump City, and the stars and where totally alone.  Like the fact that the only thing Star was wearing was her bathrobe, and that they were both looking into each other's eyes.  Facing each other, both with apprehension and hope in their eyes, they slowly, as if magnetically drawn, kissed…

            Slade, criminal mastermind and arch enemy of the Teen Titans, was bored.  He knew he should have been plotting the destruction of the city, the annihilation of the Titans, or even just recovering the combat data and efficiency of his newest destroyed creation.  But instead he was just sitting there in his chair, sipping his tea reverently.  _That's the problem with this new home of mine_ he thought bitterly, continuing to sip his tea.  _It doesn't encourage creativity with the clicking of gears and grinding of axles, all it does is ****__hum__.  And it was true his new hideout had miles of cables and mountains of computers, so that the entire wall he was looking at was a giant monitor.  Which was currently blacked out, reflecting Slade's pissed off mood.  Finishing his tea Slade had started to get out of his throne, when a section of the wall turned on, a map of the city being displayed.  A small T icon was steadily moving across the harbor into the heart of the city before coming to a slow stop.  __Odd it appears one of the Titan's has left their tower, might as well send Cinderblock to instigate and investigate the person.  Even if it was his former apprentice Slade had no doubts as to whether Cinderblock would smash them into a paste.  Inputting the coordinates in a small handheld wrist computer, Slade walked slowly down a hallway to Cinderblock's room._

            Cinderblock was twiddling his thumbs, sitting on crate from Slade's old hideout.  _I really must talk to him more about no wrecking the parts_.  Slade ideally gave the handheld computer to Cinderblock, along with the instructions.

            "There is a Titan outside of their tower; the direction of their location is recorded on that.  To ensure that if this is a trap I'll send some of my constructs to draw the Titan's out at another location.  Once you find the individual dispose of them in any way possible."  Cinderblock palmed the small piece of technology easily before standing up and starting in a dead run, crashing through the wall instead of using the nearby door.  _I really do need to talk to him more about not destroying our current home…_

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**Author's Note:**  Wow, I thought this chapter would end up smaller then the first, yet it's bigger.  Eh, that's fic writing in a nutshell… they just keep getting bigger without much author input.

**Braveheart:**  Wow, original and well written. *gasps* Thanks for the encouragement, and well written/spelled review.

**RangerH:**  Thanks for the helpful words, and so far what I've sorta planned is a very long, very involved storyline.

**Red Moon Kree:**  You like my writing style.  *gasps again* Most people think I over descript things and make them too long.

**DarkAngel666:**  Don't worry; I plan to keep this thing alive for a long while to come.

**Sanity-Stealing-Lawn-Gnome:**  Here's another chapter to read, and I plan to keep them coming.

**Raven A. Star:  **I keep writing and you keep reviewing. Hopefully that'll work out…

**Le Chat:**  Grah, *palmsface* your right; Star did have those burns.  But now that I think about it Robin would have had a worse time, think about breaking those fingers and toes even more.  Thanks for the intelligent review on something I missed.  I like Season 2, but I'm too impatient to wait for it to end; thusly this fic is before Season 1 but is including stuff from 2 and my own idea thingys.  *peers*  I haven't read the comics, so I don't know to much about the Judas Contract except it's the basis for Season 2.


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